In the amount of time I have spent on this GPO I could have manually mapped everyone's drives.
I created a very straight forward Policy and have edited and tested it several times in accordance with the myriad of "Solutions for this Issue" (all of which are different) and lo no amount of radio button combinations will allow my User profile to grab a hold of this GPO and apply it to my User.
I am running server 2008 r2, I have a Win7 Pro test machine in the domain.
I simply wanted to map a drive for one user group with a path to a server share.
If anyone feels that they are savvy enough to help me, please help me. Prostrate, I humbly beg of you: help me.